More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ugly people sure do ruin things
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize