yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
