i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
