I will die if light touches me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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