Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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