Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
