D3 body, D1 cock
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
