so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
