it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
