I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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