I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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