my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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