In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
