I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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