Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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