In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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