I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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