just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
