I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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