I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
