we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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