Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
