A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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