I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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