I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
