Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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