I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
