dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
