we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
