cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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