I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
