Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
