I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize