it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
