I bet he comes in French.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
