i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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