He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize