Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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