he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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