Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
