the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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