My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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