our cab driver is having phone sex.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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