when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we made out on top of his cat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
