I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
