I'm passing your future prison.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize