my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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