His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
