Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
did you just send me my own nude
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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