Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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