She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize