my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
