the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
