I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ugly people sure do ruin things
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
