Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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