Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is the high leading the old right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
