As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
