Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize