so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
