I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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