life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
