I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
