I need to stop coming to work sober
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We need a shit load of segways right now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
