I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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