its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
