the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
