1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
