I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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