i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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