to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
