he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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