just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
