True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
