You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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