and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
