My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
