Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
