you would pick up someone in the library
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
