i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
