i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize