in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
