oh god the rape fog is back!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
