On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So many bounce houses so little time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize