also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
