never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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