i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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