Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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