it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
