I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
