Only a mothe r could love this liver
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
