So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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