Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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