singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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