I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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