there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
