I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
