just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
