i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize