I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
