Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
