When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
