Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
