You can't motorboat a personality
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
