my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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