new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So much rum. So many feels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
