Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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