omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
one might say we're banned from that church
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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